Review: Bloodrayne


Bloodrayne is the latest entry into Uwe Bolls growing filmography of movies based on video games; the others being the absolutely dreadful ‘House of the Dead’ and the just about watchable ‘Alone in the Dark’.

The computer game sees us following a young half human/half vampire as she hacks, slices and sucks her way through the troops of the third riche. In the film only the character remains the same, except in this film she hates vampires, and there are no Nazi’s present. Bloodrayne, once an abuse circus freak escapes her captors and begins to wage war of the vampires she hates. She is accompanied on her quest by a team of vampire hunters, one of which is played by Mr Wooden Michael Madsen.

Now what I think most people are fooled by is the association of named actors and good films. In most circumstances this would be true, but I’m afraid that, despite the actors, most of Mr Boll’s films tend to be quite poor. Bloodrayne is no exception, although most do argue it is his best effort, I go for ‘Alone in the Dark’ but we are really talking about comparing the quality of sick and shit.

So then, the acting is ok, except for Madsen’s, who clearly just turns up and says some lines, but the script is quite bollocks really. The talking parts are clichéd and for the most part are not really necessary at all. Often, because of this, the pace of the film is quite slow and it does get a little boring at times.

Must of the fight sequences and stand off conversations do look really amateurish, admittedly it would be difficult for even the best actors to pull off these lines with conviction but on occasions the acting reminded me a little of pantomime scenes.

The films only real positive feature is the fight scenes which are scattered throughout the film. Whilst they are not exactly visually stunning they are plenty gory. Plenty of old school effects with ridiculous amounts of blood squirting all over the place, and the odd on screen decapitation or impalement. This is good to see. In the words of J ‘Mr Boll clearly doesn’t give a shit’ and obviously he doesn’t as at times people are just being hacked up for the sake of it. Whilst it doesn’t redeem the film, it does make parts of it watchable.

And finally... scraping the barrel for plus points ‘Terminator 3’s’ Kristanna Loken gets her tits out. Actually we only get to see one tit in what is quite possibly the least convincing sex scene ever.

Overall this film is not really worth the watch. It’s not god awful as some will have you believe but it’s pretty boring and doesn’t stand up to many modern films in the vampire genre.

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