The MEG is back and this time he has brought his arch enemy the giant octopus. Is this the end of the world as we know it?
I believe the best way to help understand the main elements of this film are with facts! Here are a few to help you out:
- The Mega Shark can travel at speeds of up to 500 knots. Or match speeds of a flying plane. 600mph. Incredible.
- The Mega Shark can jump 2-3 miles in to the air. Almost like a sea to air missile, deadly accuracy. Especially against planes.
- The Mega Shark can bite through almost every material ever made by man. Including the Golden Gate Bridge and submarines. In fact the way it bites through the Golden Gate Bridge with such accuracy and ease it's scary to think....is there anything the Mega Shark can’t bite through?
- The Mega Shark can take submarine torpedos to the face and still come at you with break neck speeds. How can you compete against that?
- The Mega Octopus can single handedly destroy an oil rig. Killing all those on said rig effortlessly.
- The Mega Octopus keeps himself to himself on the whole, however if The Mega Shark is spotted in the vicinity expect fireworks.
Facts aside this film is terrible. There are parts which are that utterly terrible that it's funny. But after all the jokes when you actually sit back and think is this a good film, the answer is no. The CGI is hilariously bad with scenes that actually make the ones in Shark Attack 3 look ground breaking! Most scenes are used repeatedly and most of the time are simply flipped just so they look like things are happening from a different angle. The acting is pretty terrible but I guess when you're trying to look scared about a shark that was made in windows paint it's hard to be convincing. Script is cringeworthy at times with horribly cliché one liners thrown in for good measure.
The story is fairly uninspiring so I’ll try and keep it brief. The mega shark and giant octopus have been frozen in a glacier until now, a military sonar device dropped in to the ocean are making whales ram in to the glacier, a nearby chopper also manages to lose control and fly in to the glacier thus releasing the creatures of the deep. The giant octopus attacks a oilrig while the shark is jumping out of the sea eating planes. Well one plane but still. Scientists are then like oh my god it’s the Megalodon etc etc. After trying to work out how to take both creatures down, in a scene that lasts about 5 minutes using different colored vials of solution, pouring one in to the other to work it all out. Without any dialog or explanation of what they are trying to achieve only being able to see their reactions when the solution doesn’t turn the desired color. Absolutely ridiculous. Throw in a cliché love story on the side and the battle for both partners to stay alive and kill the beasts. That’s pretty much it.
To be fair I didn’t really expect much from this film just a laugh. On this level it did give me what I wanted but at the same time a bit of substance wouldn’t have gone a miss. In terms of creature films I preferred Shark Attack 3, especially for its legendary one liner.
Overall Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus is shit. The CGI is shocking the plot is hideously uninspiring and in all honesty I think if I would of been watching this solo I wouldn't have made it through to the end, having a couple of mates with you so you can laugh at how bad it is always a help but at the end of the day jokes aside go and watch a decent creature film.