Slasher.com… well… what can you say about a film which somehow manages to compile every single non-PC element which makes cult slasher movies a guilty pleasure of almost every horror fan on the planet, into one satisfyingly gross-out 90 minutes?
The clichéd - "Slasher.com is a must watch for any hardened slasher fan." (hey, if I wrote for empire magazine that slogan would get my name put on the side of a bus!)
A little brief you say? Ok, let me begin critiquing a film whose genre, by its very nature, defies all the laws that make movies any good, and turns them into something close to a viewing compulsion.
Well put it this way, adhere to the following tick list:
- Do you want to see people slashed, maimed and degraded in a remote location, possibly a forest or cabin?
- Do you want to see most of said people half naked whilst it happens?
- Do you like movies of implied incest and other such ‘awkward’ sexual scenarios?
- Do you want to see a middle-aged woman service herself with a silver spoon which she then insists in thrusting into people’s mouths at every opportunity whilst calling her momma?
- Do you want to be put off puddings for life?
If the answer is yes, then get shopping ‘Slasher.com’ now available in stores on DVD.
If you need a little more convincing let me elaborate further.
The plot of ‘Slasher.com’ follows a couple’s risky internet date at a time where several murders have been committed targeting unwitting cyber-flirters. This fledgling romance is taken into the expansive forests of the rural US, to an idyllic getaway at the ‘Myer’s’ cabin no less. Once there, the couple meet a rather too ‘familiar’ family, big daddy, momma and their 20something daughter whose choice of clothing consistently seems lacking considering the physical work she appears to be undertaking.
Needless to say, things go about as well as you might think for the couple, as they do their best to settle in. That said, they make do. It’s not long before the kit is off, first skin is shown and we are off. Yes, this film takes a rather satisfyingly short 20 odd minutes before it launches ‘full frontal’ into familiar slasher territory (not the traditional drive-in sort I might add, more the infamous ‘Synapse’ label type – you know, the ones it was almost impossible to get in the UK for years).
Following this, there is some sex, some more sex, some incestuous groping, then the aforementioned pudding spoon pleasuring, until we then see a change of pace and we are onto the slashing, torture porn style in the ‘Rumpus’ room of the Myer’s main house.
It’s all good stuff, and please don’t mistake my lighter writing style for cynicism – this movie delivers, in spades, all the stuff you want from a slasher. The effects on the violence is great, the characters are all bat shit crazy and the cast really do commit to their parts. There aren’t huge bloodbath scenes but those with a keen eye will see plenty of homage kill shots – including an awesome blade through the jaw which I had to re-watch to try to guess how they had rigged the prosthetics. Aside from this there is some impalement and a raft of other gratuitous violence. The blood looks great, and despite some budget constraints, the whole messed up scenario often meant the insinuation of certain acts made just as much of an impact as it was shown on screen.
Hell, even at the end the film, whose plot was flimsy manages to pull a couple of tricks out of the bag in its final act.
Overall, this is not one to be missed. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! It’s not high art, but you know you love it all the more for it!