Review: Storm Warning


I'll be frank, I've never been a fan of this genre. The whole exploitation/degenerate feel really doesn't do it for me. My main problem is that the situations usually seem to be utterly ridiculous, to the point where it makes me angry at how stupid the people are portrayed to be. I refuse to believe that people can ever be at this level of stupidity, the victims always have ample opportunities to either run, or defend themselves and by simply using some common sense would not get in to the situation in the first place.

Storm Warning fits that bill completely, a husband and wife, Rob and Pia, out on a boating trip end up lost and stranded, with a storm coming in they decide to head inland and try to find refuge. What they actually find is a hillbilly heaven, a decrepit cesspit with no sign of life. When the owners return Rob and Pia will start wishing they would have just turned around in their boat and tried to make it home (that's what I would have done!!!!).

Due to plot and character development expect to spend the first 40 minutes hoping for something to happen. We go through the motions as the couple are faced with torture and demeaning tasks from the redneck crew of Brett, Jimmy and father Poppy. This is where my bias plays quite a big part, we are supposed to empathise with the helpless couple and I guess for the majority you probably would, but I couldn't care less. I've seen it all before and it does my fruit!!! At one point Pia is presented with the opportunity to wield a massive knife, and instead of letting her predatory instinct take over she uses it to take out one of the sick requests from the hillbillies (which is to behead a baby kangaroo??).

Eventually the couple are locked up in the barn while the hillbillies decide what to do with them. Now it's time for Pia to shine, she goes from a helpless French pretty wife, to fucking Lara Croft. Not only does she manage to create an anti-rape device out of a empty can, she devises the most elaborate trap in the barn I have ever seen. Personally frustrating as I've spent 40 minutes watching these two be about as hard as a part mouldy lettuce and now I'm supposed to believe she's cracked and is now a bad ass?!

I was bemused as to how this film was going to unravel, but I am glad to say that the last half completely makes up for the drivel padding of the first. Once Lara Croft has got her shit together the film kicks off in spectacular fashion, gore is plentiful and is visually sick. The anti rape device works wonders and the finale is 'bloody' fantastic!!

Just as I thought things couldn't get any better in the latter half of the film you are delivered with a film quote that is enough to rival Shark Attack 3's stunner.

One of the hillbillies is trying to hunt down Pia and brings to the table:
"Fe Fi Fo Fum I smell the Cunt of a bitch that's gonna die!!!!", whether it was the delivery and the timing, I don't know...either way it had us both in stitches and all my previous qualms with the film were forgotten in an instant!

Overall Storm Warning is a run of the mill exploitation film, it's obvious and generic and for the first 40 minutes you can expect to see the usual template for the same films in the sub genre. However the latter half of the film is definitely worth sticking around for, it's fun, quite inventive and definitely holds its own for gore..........and the quote is one I will remember for a long, long time!

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