Review: Alien vs Predator Requiem

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Tweet Review“Who ever wins, we lose” boasts the tagline for Paul W. Anderson’s first film in the hotly anticipated franchise mash up, and it’s not wrong – we did lose any way you look at it. Its no surprise that when the second film came along in 2007, some 3 years after the original, people didn’t hold out much hope it could undo the whole Alien on earth fiasco it was left to follow on from, and that the little known ‘Brothers Strauss’ were unlikely to be the directing duo to redeem a franchise whose first film had single handily […]

Review: Monkey Shines

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Tweet ReviewDespite ‘Monkey Shines’ not being the first movie you might associate with the late horror titan George A. Romero, Eureka have saw to it that it has a release worthy of the man’s legacy with a dual format HD presentation, including a tonne of extras. ‘Monkey Shines’ sees Romero skirting the boundaries between the horror and thriller genre, and rather than focussing on the shambling undead which formed the backbone of his career, this time we see his film (based on the novel of the same name by author Michael Steward) focus on the living, in a cautionary tale […]

Review: The Dawnseeker

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Tweet ReviewYes… The answer to your first question is, yes, it is as bad as it looks – but, somehow ‘The Dawnseeker’ is still somewhat watchable! Ahead of this summer’s release of ‘The Predator’ comes a ‘mockbuster’ of universal proportion. Set in space, a team of soldiers must defend themselves and face off against the galaxies most feared hostile – The Dawnseeker. The synopsis: “2245, the Earth’s sun has dwindled and no longer provides the energy needed to sustain human life. Five hired mercenaries travel to an uncharted planet to collect a rare mineral known as stardust to replenish the […]

Review: The Jurassic Dead

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Tweet Review‘The Jurassic Dead’ aka ‘Zombiesaurus’ aka ‘Z:Rex’ – a film so good it needs three introductions? It has always been a common phrase in horror that films become popular for ‘being so bad, they are good’, but such titles were infamous, but not abundant; and certainly not a commercial success. The recent phenomenon of Z-rate monster movies is unprecedented in my opinion, and I do wonder whether they have an actual fan base or just people purchasing on the occasional whim en-mass. Either way, this title, promising a cross genre mash-up of Zombies and a giant Tyrannosaurus vs. marines. […]

Review: Jurassic Games

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Tweet ReviewGo on then, I will bite. No matter what anyone says marketing and timing I feel counts for a large proportion of a films success. If like myself, you are pumped for ‘Jurassic Kingdom’ then you are probably watching absolutely anything in it with dinosaurs at the moment! Despite my wife giving this one a miss based on the trailer alone, I couldn’t leave it be. Question is ‘Jurassic Games’ the feature-saurus Rex or a big steaming pile of dino-dung? Read on… The plot follows ‘contestants’ of a futuristic game where the inmates on death-row sign up to fight […]

Review: Hell’s Kitty

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Tweet ReviewI’m not going to lie, I am not a subtle man, nor am I in any way a particularly mature 34-year-old. As such I would like you to consider this as you read my review of the innuendo ladened ‘Hell’s Kitty’, which, regardless of the films overall quality (which is low budget to say the least), it’s plot (which is essentially a chapter by chapter montage of kill sequences involving the titular cat) had me at the line: “Help, my pussy’s possessed!” The official synopsis: “Nick (Nicholas Tana), a Hollywood screenwriter, discovers his cat has become murderously possessed, and […]

Review: The Lair of the White Worm

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Tweet ReviewIf ever there was a genuine example of a dodgy late-night horror ‘Lair of the White Worm’ firmly has my vote. One part ‘Carry-on’ comedy farce, one-part hammer-horror and one part not giving a fxxk, this one is a riot from start to finish. The synopsis: On a farm owned by Eve Trent (Catherine Oxenberg) and her sister Mary (Sammi Davis), young archaeologist Angus Flint (Peter Capaldi) discovers a large and inexplicable skull, which he soon deduces belonged to the D’Ampton Worm, a mythical beast supposedly slain generations ago by the ancestor of the current Lord D’Ampton (Hugh Grant). […]

Review: The Gate

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Tweet ReviewNo way of getting around my enthusiasm for this late 80s gem of a film, ‘The Gate’ mixes fantasy and creature horror in a fun child centric piece available now, in HD, thanks to Lionsgate’s ‘Vestron Video’ releases. The plot of the film follows two young friends who, in the spirit of rebellion, and of course rock and roll, inadvertently open a gateway to the other side. Once open, their premises are laid siege to by ‘the old gods’ (tiny little demon things to you an I). They then must fight their fears, and army of these little critters […]

Review: Cute Little Buggers

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Tweet ReviewDirector Tony Jopia (Crying Wolf) offers his latest horror/comedy ‘Cute Little Buggers’ and what a blast it is! Evidently Jopia is staying true to his directorial strengths and is willing to unveil another dose of tits, ass, gore and comedy to boot, with a recipe that strong you can’t really go wrong. The premise is simple enough, hostile aliens are trying to find a suitable host to spread, using one species to impregnate our women – mutated rabbits. Chosen due to their high sex-drive….and….well shagging like rabbits! A quaint British village comes under attack from the deadly horde of […]

Review: Cage Dive

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Tweet ReviewReleased on the 9th of October, courtesy of Lionsgate films comes a POV shark attack movie which merges some good characterisation and a unique perspective on shark invested violence in one neat 80-minute package. Synopsis: In this intense thriller, three friends from California head to the rugged Australian coast for a cage-dive encounter with deadly great white sharks. But after attracting a swarm of vicious sharks, their tour boat is destroyed by a massive rogue wave. As clouds gather and darkness descends, the three friends fine themselves alone and defenceless, afloat in the chilly ocean as hungry man-eaters begin […]